the garden

well my home is never going to be in better homes and Gardens,is a labor of love,this is one month worth of work,every day I would do just a little but boy like everybody else you pay a price,but I figure if I'm walking around in all this pain I might as well at least do something I like,I know some members cannot do it, gardening anymore,just figured I would post a picture to make somebody smile.this is my first garden in three years since I've been hurt,figure if I'm going to end up in a wheelchair I might as well do stuff I enjoy,(this is a mental therapy session for myself speaking out loud ) I tried too see a therapist about depression but what happened to me was in pain so much one-day I'd totally forgot about therapy session and was presented with a $90 missed appointments fee,so no counseling for me,I would rather eat,that's two weeks food budget,(I only need to buy food for myself I live alone)just trying to share,hopefully somebody can relate. back to the picture,I really like homegrown vegetables the stuff you purchased in the store just taste terrible to me,so anyways,first row of vegetables is celery,second row is sweet peppers,next row is red cabbage,next row is broccoli,next row is tomatoes,then two rows of cucumbers,which planted seeds have not sprouted and has got me worried,the big wooden trellis is beans,the big green plants are horseradish,such a beautiful plant,in front of the horseradish is seven Jerusalem artichokes,(first-time growing them)other side of horseradish plant is a 1' x 2' section of recycled potatoes(potatoes that went bad over winter just planted)then 2 rows of spinach,and then in another eight plants of horseradish,so that is my garden,I have one more 10 foot long section in the front where I can plant more plants,not really sure what I'm going to put their. at least when I'm focusing the garden it helps with the mental pain of being injured.
have a great day everybody.
breakfest,3 eggs 4 slices of ham,

food

well the food from the dumpster did not work out,i have a psychological block or something,but I did eat about eight strawberries the first day. today I figured I would use the strawberries inside my oatmeal, sliced them,cook them inside the oatmeal,it just did not taste right,so now I'm not going to eat any of the food I got out of the dumpster,this is a picture of the food I have in my fridge.if you subtract the package of mushrooms,broccoli,tomatoes,strawberries,was really not much food in my fridge,living alone I really don't like to cook,funny thing my father and mother are great cooks and I never learned how to really cook,like when I try to make vegetable soup,it doesn't come out anything like my dad's.I remember trying to make liver,I definitely overcook,that's one of the food's takes experience to cook.it's definitely not appetizing before cooking liver but finished product is delicious.anyways I sold a part of my past yesterday,I purchased a motorcycle in 1993 learned how to ride,then the thrill kind of disappeared,really what happened was just so busy working all the time.so them I gave it to a friend in 1999, he rode it for two years,seen a fellow motorcyclist get T-boned at an intersection,after that he did not want to ride anymore,so he gave me the bike back in 2001,I ride it for another year,then in fall of 2002 parked it for the winter,come springtime 03,it would not start,did not have time to mess around with it,so there it sat for five years,yesterday I put it on Craig's list for $50 was happy that it went fast but sad to see it go,I had the dream of one-day rebuilding it,but reality of tearing it completely apart and rebuilding spinal injury would not let it happen.so yesterday was another day of acceptance in spinal injury 101
trying to have a realistic outlook on life.

garbage dumpster diving

well I needed to make a small climbing trellis is for my garden,I was going to Home Depot to check out the bargain bin but first I needed to stop for groceries,well by the dumpster of the grocery store and they had some packaging lumber by the dumpster,so I went inside and asked if it was OK to take,they gave me the OK,so while loading the scrap pieces of wood,I looked inside the dumpster and don't know how to admit this,life gets tough ,you make do,while I don't like the thought of eating food from a dumpster I could not pass it up.this is stuff that will be edible.I'm eating the strawberries as I write this,yes strawberries picked out of the garbage dumpster,I will not buy them as they are too expensive,so these are pictures of it.
ps. I'll be the only one eating the food from the dumpster

fun

the first pic is of me shooting a 30-06 as you can tell by the smile on my face and it's one heck of a rifle if I were to purchase a rifle this would be the one,second picture is of my nephew learning to shoot a 50 Cal,he's just a little too small yet,the third picture is of my niece hopping on the snow machine,she's saying when I get old enough I'll be riding all over the place,



thinking back to fun times.random pictures of fun.

well I'm definitely not an urban hermit

started reading this web site about people that consider themselves urban hermits,I do not wish to withdrawal from society,of course since I've had my back injury I have found myself doing that very slowly,I don't know why I feel a sense of shame for having a back injury,I guess it has to do with I used to be very strong,was able to do lots of things that required my physical strength,I mean one of my biggest problems was asking somebody for help.I would figure out tons of ways to do things myself so I would not need to ask somebody for help,a perfect example is when I purchased my house years ago,I moved everything except the biggest items I could not carry myself,I think back to when I was younger and I could pick up a television set by myself,so now I start thinking that when the television breaks in my bedroom,I would actually have to pay somebody,you know the people from the store to actually deliver the television and take the old one away,that really just drives me crazy,because it reminds me that I don't have the physical strength anymore,that's the worst part about the back injury is that it has crushed all my dreams travel, of being self-reliance,now I have to come to grips with having to ask people to help me do things.this is where the battle with depression begins,as I write this stuff,the thoughts of a failed life, crushed dreams,they all come into my thoughts,I start focusing on the things I won't be able to do,and it just gets me into a very negative spot.I don't know how to put this into words,but that is my daily battle with depression,trying to focus on the positive things every day,instead of focusing on my broken dreams that is back injury is causing.one way I always get a fresh respective,I start thinking about people who have it 10 times worse than me and then I stop feeling sorry for myself,I mean I look perfectly normal,what they don't realize is the physical agony I have going on inside,I know the only people that understand the pain I'm in are the people that have had back injuries themselves,I know before I was injured I thought I knew a little bit about pain,well anyways I find my physical pain starts lead to mental pain or mental anguish,or basically just depression.see writing about this is my way of trying to relieve some of it. well I'm not ready to quit life yet,the hard part is trying to find a balance between dreams and realistic physical goals I can accomplish.see before I was hurt I had the dream of retirement and travel,I was working towards that goal,I had great job,I was going to be able to achieve my goal,well now that I'm injured there's no way I'm going achieve my former dream,just for statistical purposes I was saving $20,000 in a 401(k) plan,personal savings was approximately $15,000 a year for retirement,and then my union pension fund was getting approximately $14,000 a year,so with my back injury I have lost it all . now I can't even get a nine dollar hour job,soon as I tell them about my back injury it's like a thank you very much for your interest if we find something that will meet your qualifications we will give you a call,I had had counselors tell me not to disclose,well I can't erase 20 years of jobs that all required physical labor,everything I've ever done for a living involved my hands and back,they always ask me why I'm not driving anymore and I tell them about my back injury,so here I am my mid-40s with a broken body,well broken back which affects your whole body,picture dropping your keys,bending over to pick them up,then when you straighten up,it feels like somebody just hit you in the back with a baseball bat,that's my life,that's why I get depressed. I don't even want to get into something as simple as getting dressed.all little things taken for granted until you have a back injury.now I sound like I'm whining. I was always a believer of suck up and deal with the pain.
anyways a friend told me,that God did not bring me this far to drop me on my head,when I can remember that simple saying I can deal with life.the problem is when I'm going through all of it and my thoughts are all jumbled,and I have the Depression binders on,I cannot remember that sentence.so now I am repeating it for myself, God did not bring me this far to drop me my head. have a great day everybody.

planting veggies

ideally it would be great to have the whole planted,but I am making progress,I've always been the type of person to do everything all at once,so now having to break things down into segments so to speak,is very different,I need to be happy with progress.this is the updated a picture of my garden.

couple more pictures of camping,

the thoughts running around inside my head

feel like I was run over by a steamroller,the pictures of my garden.does give me some satisfaction.really enjoy eating homegrown vegetables,nothing more satisfying watching something you cultivated.of course if you really think of the miracle of nature how something starts from a small seed, will grow up edible plant.wish I could do more in my backyard.something I could do in a day now takes a week.also caught a garden snake,do not think of taking a picture of it until I was halfway down the street,there's a big wooded and fields at the end my road so I took him down there and released him.I used to catch snakes all the time,then one time while working in South Carolina,seeing this black snake crossing the road,jumped out of the truck chased the snake through a field,did not catch him though,later on the road inspector came over and asked me i caught it,told him it was too fast,inspector asked me what kind of snake it was,told him it was black snake,he told me it was poisonous,so after that I did not catch a snake for a long time,but sometimes you just do things without thinking and just do it out of habit,like today seening a snake in my yard,figured I'd just catch it, i do not want to run over it with the lawn mower,of course probably should have just let him live in my garden(flower patch)since they do eat mice and such,this is a picture of the flower patch I caught him in it.(fowler patch upper left corner

planting veggies

the round cage will be snap peas,the 16inch plants are horseradish
the rows between the weed barrier is spinach

The yard &garden

it's amazing how much better I feel mentally when there is color outside.my backyard